Break-ups are a massive theme for the clients I work with and just generally in life. They are something that can create an awful lot of pain for people. If you are going through a break-up, try to unpick what it is you are feeling so sad about:
- Is it more than just simply a relationship ending?
- Are you mourning the future of what a possible relationship could have ended up as?
- Are you mourning literally the loss of seeing somebody on a regular basis?
- Are you feeling rejected?
- Or, is it a culmination of all of those things?
When we start to unpick what we are feeling so sad about, it really can be helpful for us to respond to our needs and think carefully about how we need to heal. My experience with a lot of people is that they get drawn into the fantasy of what a relationship might have been and feel very sad about it. They think they have gone through an enormous loss. They don’t always seem to take stock of whether their needs were being met in the relationship to begin with or whether the relationship was making them happy.
Give yourself permission to be really reflective and to look at any kind of ending, like a break-up, as an opportunity for you to be a bit curious about what that experience was like for you and whether it was really meant for you. My honest belief is that things that were meant for us don’t pass us by and the right experiences find and leave us at the right time. When we accept that and have a bit of faith in the universe that actually, “this may be really sad for me right now but I can trust that it was not the right thing for me, I can look at this and think about what I might learn from it, take my time to be sad and then move forward” that can be really cathartic and healing. As painful as breakups can be, I think they are also an opportunity for incredible insight and personal growth.